It struck me as funny earlier today that there are SO many things that no one tells you before you have children, or maybe people DO tell you but you don't take them seriously or you just don't listen. I thought I'd dispel some of the myths & illusions here.
First, I'll start with the "Good" Stuff:
You Will Forget about the Pain of Labour - This is very true. I had an extremely short, painful and natural birth with Jack which was brought on through induction. No drugs and very little gas and air, so I felt every bit of it. I must say, I remember having pain, but the instant I held him, I forgot about the level of pain and now, I remember it was uncomfortable, but I'd go through it over and over because it means that I get to look at his precious little face everyday.
You Never Knew What Love Was Until You've Loved your Child - This is also very true. It is instinctual that you will go to any length to protect your child. I remember before I had Jack that I loved life, but the love you have for your child, is something completely unexplainable. You would go to the ends of the earth to protect them and sacrifce anything for them to have what they need in life. I can only speak for myself here, but I would imagine that the same applies for a bond between a child that has been adopted, once they are your responsibility, it is inevitable that your level and capability of love enhances.
Now...the Not So Good Stuff...
You Won't Sleep for the First 2 Years of Your Baby's Life - This is SO true, and is NOT a lie. I was one of those people that thought, "oh, organization and routine" is how you get a perfect sleeper. But, I promise, it's not true. I was absolutely convinced that a strict routine with my little one while he was small would lead to good sleeping habits when he got older. I can tell you from personal experience, children do not sleep until all of their teeth come in. That might have a few good nights here and there, but I promise, it doesn't last.
People that insist that their child is the "Best Sleeper" are lying. Perfect sleepers don't exist, and those who say their children sleep are simply wanting everyone to think that they have the perfect child.
I must say though, as a parent, it is truely amazing how little sleep you can function on when you really have to!
Babies spit up & vomit, a lot, so be prepared all the time - I thought that burp clothes were only needed for the first few months of a babies life. I was proven completely wrong tonight when my 11 month old spit up all down my back - oatmeal...yummy. I'm not really sure why I thought burp clothes were for small babies, it just didn't occur to me that I'd need to wear a towel over me for the first two years of my child's life...at least.
I will never forget the first time I went to meet a friend of mine for coffee after having Jack. Jack was probably around 6 weeks old. I was at the coffee shop, all proud of mysef that I had gotten us both out of the house in one piece, by myself, and I remembered to bring everything with me! I took out Jack's bottle to feed him, and after a few ounces, Jack looked up at me lovingly and vomited all over me, the sofa, & the floor. The one thing I underestimated? The need for additional burp clothes to mop up the vomit....just said I'd warn you :)
Teeth are the Root of All Evil....pardon the pun :) - I had missed out on Kate's teething experiences, so unfortunately I was completely green in the teething department. Jack was exactly 8 months old when he cut his two bottom teeth. Prior to getting these two teeth he had terrible diarriah and a throat infection. At 11 months he has now only cut his left eye tooth, which brought two ear infections, two throat infections and eczema. I'm telling you teeth are the root of all evil.
OK, now I'd love to hear from you all! Please share some of the things you'd like to know about, or what you'd like others to know when entering into the wonderful wide world of parenting! I really hope to hear some of your thoughts!
Being a parent is the best job in the world...even if it is the lowest paid and hardest there is!
Can't wait to hear from you all!!!
Love, Jess xx
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
10 Things I Hope to Teach my Children
Alright, first I'd like to apologise for being absent for the past few weeks, sick baby with lots of teeth coming at once has deterred the writing process slightly, but I will be back with articles previously posted under the Update.
Second, I was laying in bed thinking to myself that I have often very unfairly judged (and become angry with) my parents for mistakes that I feel that they have made over my lifetime. The problem is that they are human, and as children we never seem to see this. So, here are a few things I'd like for my husband and I to teach our children as they grow older. I thought I'd share them with you all as these lessons have been learned through a lot of tears and therapy! I have also included some lessons my wonderful parents did teach us too.
1. Parents are humans, and we make mistakes! I think I spent the majority of my late teens and 20's being so angry at my parents and blaming them for the cards life dealt me, but in truth, I have learned in my 30's that they did the very best that they could do in raising my brother and I and providing us with a happy home and as little dysfunction as possible. The thing was that they never explained to us that they were HUMAN! We always thought that they were bigger than life, and we could simply not imagine a time when they wouldn't be around. As we grow older, I think that we start coming to the realisation that our parents won't be around for ever and so the thought process changes from "look at what they didn't do for me" to " look at what they DID do for me". I hope to teach our children from a young age that we are human beings and that once in a while we will get things wrong, but that whatever we do, we do it because we love them. I know my parents did.
2. Save Money - Yes, I grew up in the Celtic Tiger era (well a little bit before it, but right on the brink) and in the USA it was even worse. I wanted for nothing, because if my parents didn't provide it to me then I worked myself and blew every penny of my pay check. I am now looking back killing myself for not saving any money when I was younger, because we'd have a small fortune now if I saved some of the money that I used to buy another black top or pair of shoes!
3. Education is Key to Success, so Study and Study Hard - I went to a state University and did moderately well, but in looking back at my education I feel that I really could've taken it a lot more seriously. I think that now and in the future the workforce is and will be such a competitive environment for everyone that only those serious enough to put their nose to the grindstone will come out on top. I intend to teach my children that the key to success is earned through hard work in school starting at an early age.
4. Be Involved in Sports (for as long as you possibly can!) - It is only now with my step daughter Kate do I see the importance of team activities in children's lives. As small children we all take part in team activities such as soccer, football, rugby, hockey (baseball, softball or basketball), but as our children grow older (into their early teens) the chances of them being successful in school and in life increases significantly with their involvement in team sports. If our young adults have a match at the weekend, they are less likely to go out and get into trouble the night before or the days leading up to the match. Our children need the discipline that comes with training and hard work. We mustn't forget also the importance of health and fitness in our children's lives. Sports guarantee our children will be exercising, and the longer they do it as children, the more likely they are to carry these good habits into adulthood.
5. Food is for Nourishment, not Entertainment - OK, I'm not sure if this is an American thing or whether or not, but I grew up thinking that eating out was a form of entertainment, and we did it a lot. It is only now in my mid thirties that I am learning that food is for nourishment, and not for entertainment! Wow, my backside wishes I had learned this a long time ago!
6. It is OK to be Emotional - Without saying too much on this one, I will teach our children that it is ok to feel emotions and it is even better to express them.
7. Talk! - I will keep the communication lines always open with our children. I will invite their friends into our home with open arms and encourage them to spend time here. I will know who my children's friends are, who is dating whom, who is in trouble at school, who is doing well in sports and academics. I will ask questions of our children and invite them to do this same with us as their parents. My parents did this, and both my brother and I were so lucky to have parents that were willing to be so involved in our lives and the lives of our friends.
8. Cook! - I will teach our children to cook more than toast.
9. Sometimes you've just got to eat the Beanie Weenies - This one is for my Dad and is a classic "Dad" lesson. For those of you who don't know, beanie weenies (yes, this is American) are baked beans and hot dogs. My brother HATED beanie weenies as a child and I'm pretty certain that he still does. My Mom used to always make him an alternative meal if this was what was being served to my Dad and I on any given night. On one particular night, my Dad told my Mom that Tommy was going to have to eat what everyone else was eating and that there was no "special" meal going to be made for him. The reason for this was that sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to do and you're not always going to have someone there to give you a special alternative. This one has always stuck with me.
10. Say I Love You (a lot) - I grew up in a house where we told each other how much we loved each other every single day. Sometimes we said it when we didn't want to or at the time didn't mean it, but I think that its important to tell the people that you care about what they mean to you because one day they may no longer be around and you never want to regret not having told them how you feel.
Well, I think that this covers it for the moment. There are LOTS of other lessons, but these are the main themes for now anyway. I hope that you find them helpful.
Jessica x
Second, I was laying in bed thinking to myself that I have often very unfairly judged (and become angry with) my parents for mistakes that I feel that they have made over my lifetime. The problem is that they are human, and as children we never seem to see this. So, here are a few things I'd like for my husband and I to teach our children as they grow older. I thought I'd share them with you all as these lessons have been learned through a lot of tears and therapy! I have also included some lessons my wonderful parents did teach us too.
1. Parents are humans, and we make mistakes! I think I spent the majority of my late teens and 20's being so angry at my parents and blaming them for the cards life dealt me, but in truth, I have learned in my 30's that they did the very best that they could do in raising my brother and I and providing us with a happy home and as little dysfunction as possible. The thing was that they never explained to us that they were HUMAN! We always thought that they were bigger than life, and we could simply not imagine a time when they wouldn't be around. As we grow older, I think that we start coming to the realisation that our parents won't be around for ever and so the thought process changes from "look at what they didn't do for me" to " look at what they DID do for me". I hope to teach our children from a young age that we are human beings and that once in a while we will get things wrong, but that whatever we do, we do it because we love them. I know my parents did.
2. Save Money - Yes, I grew up in the Celtic Tiger era (well a little bit before it, but right on the brink) and in the USA it was even worse. I wanted for nothing, because if my parents didn't provide it to me then I worked myself and blew every penny of my pay check. I am now looking back killing myself for not saving any money when I was younger, because we'd have a small fortune now if I saved some of the money that I used to buy another black top or pair of shoes!
3. Education is Key to Success, so Study and Study Hard - I went to a state University and did moderately well, but in looking back at my education I feel that I really could've taken it a lot more seriously. I think that now and in the future the workforce is and will be such a competitive environment for everyone that only those serious enough to put their nose to the grindstone will come out on top. I intend to teach my children that the key to success is earned through hard work in school starting at an early age.
4. Be Involved in Sports (for as long as you possibly can!) - It is only now with my step daughter Kate do I see the importance of team activities in children's lives. As small children we all take part in team activities such as soccer, football, rugby, hockey (baseball, softball or basketball), but as our children grow older (into their early teens) the chances of them being successful in school and in life increases significantly with their involvement in team sports. If our young adults have a match at the weekend, they are less likely to go out and get into trouble the night before or the days leading up to the match. Our children need the discipline that comes with training and hard work. We mustn't forget also the importance of health and fitness in our children's lives. Sports guarantee our children will be exercising, and the longer they do it as children, the more likely they are to carry these good habits into adulthood.
5. Food is for Nourishment, not Entertainment - OK, I'm not sure if this is an American thing or whether or not, but I grew up thinking that eating out was a form of entertainment, and we did it a lot. It is only now in my mid thirties that I am learning that food is for nourishment, and not for entertainment! Wow, my backside wishes I had learned this a long time ago!
6. It is OK to be Emotional - Without saying too much on this one, I will teach our children that it is ok to feel emotions and it is even better to express them.
7. Talk! - I will keep the communication lines always open with our children. I will invite their friends into our home with open arms and encourage them to spend time here. I will know who my children's friends are, who is dating whom, who is in trouble at school, who is doing well in sports and academics. I will ask questions of our children and invite them to do this same with us as their parents. My parents did this, and both my brother and I were so lucky to have parents that were willing to be so involved in our lives and the lives of our friends.
8. Cook! - I will teach our children to cook more than toast.
9. Sometimes you've just got to eat the Beanie Weenies - This one is for my Dad and is a classic "Dad" lesson. For those of you who don't know, beanie weenies (yes, this is American) are baked beans and hot dogs. My brother HATED beanie weenies as a child and I'm pretty certain that he still does. My Mom used to always make him an alternative meal if this was what was being served to my Dad and I on any given night. On one particular night, my Dad told my Mom that Tommy was going to have to eat what everyone else was eating and that there was no "special" meal going to be made for him. The reason for this was that sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to do and you're not always going to have someone there to give you a special alternative. This one has always stuck with me.
10. Say I Love You (a lot) - I grew up in a house where we told each other how much we loved each other every single day. Sometimes we said it when we didn't want to or at the time didn't mean it, but I think that its important to tell the people that you care about what they mean to you because one day they may no longer be around and you never want to regret not having told them how you feel.
Well, I think that this covers it for the moment. There are LOTS of other lessons, but these are the main themes for now anyway. I hope that you find them helpful.
Jessica x
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